
I don’t know what you’re dealing with…but if you’re anything like me, you’re probably scared and in pain. You feel like you’re going crazy, and maybe you just want to give up. You probably feel so alone and like no one truly understands, like it’s all in your head. You may even feel that if this is life, it just isn’t worth living. Based on what you’re going through, it’s an entirely logical response to feel these things. You’ve probably been examined by several doctors and they’ve all told you that you’re fine and that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you’re “perfectly healthy”…reaffirming to you that it’s just all in your head.
I know firsthand what it’s like to feel those things. Almost every day. For 14 years. But I don’t feel them anymore. My hope for you as I share my story is that you would be able to relate, that you would see yourself in my story, and that you would see that you’re not crazy, that there are answers for what you’re going through, and that you would begin to hope for the healing that is available. You aren’t alone. Thousands of women are in similar situations and think they’re going crazy and that no one will ever believe them. But it’s not true…there are resources out there for you, and I’m here to tell you that they work. I’m living proof! You can get help, today.
My symptoms first started around a year after I had my first cycle, at around 15 years old. Severe abdominal pressure would give way to crippling abdominal pain any time I would do even gentle exercise. At times, I couldn’t even function because the pain was so bad. This brought lightheadedness as well and I would almost black out until the worst of the pain passed. One time, I remember doubling over in pain on the side of the road hoping to wave someone down so I could get help because I couldn’t even walk back home. I became fearful to go for jogs for fear I would be stranded. Cardio exercise in general seemed to cause pain and jarring; but I often would do my best to push through, thinking it was normal. As the years wore on, no matter how hard I pushed, I was always limited in exercise by the pain, lightheadedness and nausea that would inevitably come. As someone who thrives on exercise, it was maddening. My body wouldn’t let me do what I wanted to stay in shape. This abdominal pain grew more severe and became an almost daily experience the longer I went untreated.
The brain fog came on gradually as well. Mental clarity and focus seemed next to impossible. Then the headaches came. They worsened until they became occasional migraines…which slowly increased until I was having one almost every day and was forced to curl up in a fetal position, take as much medication as I could, block out all light and noise, and just wait for the pain and nausea to pass.
The fatigue, however, was one of the worst symptoms. It slowly developed to the point where I couldn't even function in the evenings. I struggled to stay engaged with anything throughout the day, just wanting to lay down everywhere. I lost any energy that I once had. I had played sports competitively and worked out regularly…but even simple tasks became massively difficult as the years went by— showering, getting dressed, sitting up to eat and brushing my teeth. But I wasn’t sleeping well either; so strange because I was always tired and falling asleep but waking up feeling extremely drained and exhausted. The lack of sleep snowballed into getting sick regularly as my immune system was in such terrible condition. Sickness that would take others a couple of days to beat would take me a week or more. My record was catching 7 bugs/viruses/colds in 2 months back to back! But because all the doctors said I was fine…well, I thought was simply lazy and not washing my hands enough.
Throughout the years I have had several occasions that now I know were probably ovarian cysts bursting. We would rush to the ER, get every test imaginable, and they would say everything was fine and send us home. I would be bedridden, in excruciating pain, for 2-3 days until it passed. This happened several times and we eventually stopped going to the ER because we knew they would just tell us that nothing was wrong.
When the symptoms first started, my gynecologist and PCP immediately wanted me to start on birth control and never considered endometriosis as a possible diagnosis. They would immediately push that suggestion aside and even recommended anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. I saw a pulmonologist, a cardiologist, multiple gynecologists, rheumatologists, gastroenterologists, etc…over a dozen doctors…and no one could help. I had every test run that you could think of. The symptoms would continue even though my bloodwork always came back “normal.” I came to the conclusion that everybody must deal with this too and that I needed to just push past it. Along with many of these symptoms, I looked around at others and saw how easy and enjoyable life seemed to be for them. This caused me to turn more inwards and become severely depressed, to the point where I just didn’t care anymore. Eventually, life didn’t seem worth it, and I just didn’t want to be around if this was what life would be. Desire for anything ceased and I just stopped wanting to live.
I’m a strong believer in the Lord and have desired to take His name to all the nations for the past 15 years; to be a tribal missionary out in the remotest jungles. I didn’t understand why I felt this deep burden so strongly only to be stuck in bed. I seemed to be put on the back burner or “benched.” But that’s fine, because I knew I would go to heaven when I died. I could be with my Savior and have a new, healthy body.
But everyday God gave me strength to choose to breathe, to live a little longer. Getting on an antidepressant helped the suicidal thoughts to disappear, but the chronic nature of depression continued to have a hold on me. In the end, it was hard to tell whether the fatigue was the debilitating factor or whether I had just lost all motivation and desire to go on. I spent most of that year in bed or reclining - my eyes distant and empty and my heart heavy and saddened beyond expression.
This all changed when I met Dr. Yeung. He validated my years of suffering and walked me through my treatment options. After a long excision surgery (I had extensive stage IV Endo and needed a bowel resection as well), physical therapy and diet and lifestyle changes, everything I described above is no longer a part of my life. All those symptoms are gone. My life is completely different. I have energy for the day and my excitement for life has returned. I am 100% pain-free. I got my life back…no, actually I have a new life, because I’ve never enjoyed a life like this as an adult.
It’s such a new thing for me to not feel any abdominal pain! In fact, the only symptom that makes me aware of my cycle is the bleeding…minimal to no cramping and really no pain! I am just as active on my cycle as any other time of the month. I literally didn’t believe this was possible.
My strength is increasing every day. I jog every day with no pain and it has been an exciting journey to see my body fighting with me instead of against me. I am able to fend off illness with my stronger immune system and I don’t feel the horrible reality of my body limiting me like I did for so long. I can now make it through the day without feeling exhausted all the time. I am sleeping better and I have the desire and ability to move through my day, getting stuff done…simple tasks are no longer draining. I no longer have to choose whether I will shower or wash the dishes because of my extremely limited energy. In fact, I have to choose which things are best to do because I don’t have enough time in the day to get done all that I want to accomplish! And we are back on track to head overseas as tribal missionaries in the near future.
The most amazing part of this journey is the miracle of getting pregnant with our sweet little boy! My body has healed so much that I was able to create a new life! He was ten pounds and born almost two years to the day of my big surgery to remove all the endo. What was most startling to me was that laboring naturally with no medication with a ten pound baby was less painful than having endo for all those years!
If my story has struck a chord with you, let me encourage you to do a few things. I want to see you healthy and whole and experiencing the same kind of life that I now am experiencing every day. I don’t want you to live in the same fog and maddening frustration that I lived in for so long. If any of my symptoms resonated with you, there is a way out. Personally, I wouldn’t want to trust anyone outside of Dr. Yeung with my life. But to my understanding, there are other gynecologists out there who are similarly experienced. Make sure you go to a gynecologist who specializes in endometriosis treatment via excision surgery.
Don’t give up. You’re not making up your symptoms. You’re not asking for attention. Don’t settle. You know your body better than anybody else. Don’t even think about the costs of medical care. This is your life we’re talking about! Be willing to travel to meet the doctor you choose…this is not time to be tough and just push through and settle for the cheapest option. Yes, my surgery was expensive. But we figured it out. And I have my life back. It was worth it! Really express how you’re feeling to the doctor, how your condition has affected your life. Be honest. Don’t give into the temptation that you won’t ever be able to get better. Keep fighting and keep pursuing the medical care that you deserve. Healing is possible. A pain-free life might be just around the corner for you. Don’t give up. It’s more than worth it.
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